Today I had a great lesson……
Something I said pushed Stephens buttons,
He said some stuff and then withdrew,
seriously, and I went into my usual pattern of
thinking I was wrong. Wrong for speaking my
truth, upsetting him……
I wanted to apologise, chase after, clean it all
up with him, feel loved and accepted again by
This is so an old pattern, linked to fearing being
rejected, left, abandoned…….
I didn’t chase him, I left him alone. It as SO hard.
I was ‘in my head’ thinking about it a lot.
It felt excruciating to just be in in the feeling,
wanting to sort it out, make it better…..Wondering
what to do next…….
I then remembered self care. A great opportunity
to get busy doing things for me, nourishing myself
I was in a seminar so I was peace processing my
feelings around it, cuddling up in a shawl and feeling
cosy, drinking lots of water……
Later we were back together. Close.
There may be a conversation, there may be not.
His stuff is his stuff….
My work is around being brave, speaking my truth
and dealing with my feelings if it ‘triggers’ him.
I’m through with ‘looking after’ his feelings, keeping
myself hidden or denying myself……..
I love me.