When He Withdraws

A man sitting alone on a benchHere I am  
Managing myself whilst Stephen is in some
place other than with me.

Physically, spiritually and emotionally……..

I have experienced this before in other relationships
and also with Stephen.

It’s a lesson that keeps coming to help me grow…..

You see, I used to feel awful when my man was
quiet, withdrawn…..

I used to think I had done something to upset him.
…..this led to SO much stuff…..

You keep apologising, taking responsibility, the
blame for someone’s mood and they will quite
happily join in…….I mean you keep apologising so it
MUST be you that’s at fault here…….!

I’ve inched myself away from this and then moved
onto being smarter about apologising…….from I’m
sorry I’ve upset you…..to I’m sorry you are upset
and not taking on their putting it on me for how
they feel.

Now with Stephen, I see it’s not me. At all. He’s
dealing with his ‘stuff’ and in a fairly typical man
way……..closed, distant, disconnected……

I alternate between irritation that he won’t share,
affection and empathy for his obvious pain and
feeling lonely.

My job is to –
Keep loving him in my mind
Get busy with my self care
Not get pulled into his stuff
Not pester him to open up
Be ready if he does open up
Deal with my feelings of irritation and loneliness….
Keep sending him love
Let him be.

His job……is his own business.